new years two weeks late :3

happy new years! i intended to make a post at the turn of the year but time has escaped me quite a bit.

i spent a lot of time reflecting during the last few days of 2025 and first week or so of this month. i still am, but i was thinking extensively in terms of my goals and shortcomings. i actually managed to find my resolutions bingo list from 2025 and laughed when i looked over it and realized how little i could actually cross out. i laughed because yes, it did sting. but i dont feel particularly upset about the fact. i dont think a person that is drowning in the sea is in any place to worry about anything other than desperately trying to breathe in air to survive. i honestly still dont have a goals list for this year (not that i'm required to have one) but one thing i immediately resolved to get scheduled was my starter locs appointment ive been wanting for a very long time. i also want to try to create a vn this year. even just a tiny one. it would make me very happy.

despite not meeting those goals, i do know i have accomplished a great deal in terms of my personal growth and happiness. i was miserable because i was trying to convince myself that being hateful was a good and righteous thing even if it made me feel sick. i am at my happiest when i am near someone and when i am creating something. i love to harness my creation magic. i am making peace with constantly feeling like an outsider. i dont think its a healthy way of thinking, but i also don't think its a bad thing to be that way. i like to meet people and you can only do so if you wander and look around. and i like that each individual tie sown with another living being is so explosive and remarkable. the strings dont have to be all interconnected, though i really do miss having a circle of knots, a little family friend home to always return to...

when i think of the people i love and the people i have yet to meet, i cant help but to think of this song.

im thinking of making a separate section or thread on this blog to reflect more on the media i go through this year. so far ive finished watanare, caught up with pluribus and played a couple vns. im still looking for employment, but a very sweet friend helped me reach out to an old workplace and i have some hopes about that. but im worried my creative drive will die out if i take such a job again...but i was really happy to hear that people missed me and would be happy to have me around again.

this year ill continue creating and being kind.